The reason, for those of you that may be  interested, that there has been no blog for a couple of days is partly because no cycling has happened (well very, very little), partly because a day and half of it we have been “at sea” (I believe that is the correct nautical term) and also partly because it is too damn hot to do pretty much anything of anything!

We have spent two nights at Camping Venezia Village and it has been pretty much perfect for us. We have got all our washing done again (and it really did need doing!) we have been able to stay on site to eat and drink (no foraging at nearby supermarkets) we have rested up and we have had a day sightseeing in Venice. On top of all of that they had the Champions League on last night plus they do Negroni’s….need I say more!

As you know by now we are very unbritish when we bump into fellow bikepacking travellers and always (nearly) try and chat to them and find out more about what they are doing and why. The tent just a couple done from us is a young  French couple who have almost exactly the same set up as us…same tent, same panniers and unbelievably same bikes (albeit slightly different model).

Regrettably the language barrier is a little difficult to get over on this occasion but the general gist is that they are enjoying their cycling adventure and they chose their kit very wisely!

We of course had a great day mooching around Venice but rest days do feel very strange and we both genuinely miss our bikes and the sensation of making some forward progress. When the alarm goes off at 600 we are keen to get moving…..bit too keen as it turns out because reception (where our passports are temporarily incarcerated) doesn’t open until 800. The cafe though is open so we kill some time with coffee and yes even more pastries (there have been a lot this trip!)

Passports retrieved we head off towards the ferry port but make a point of stopping at a supermarket on the way. Our not so cunning plan is to stow away as much contraband as we can in our panniers so as to minimise how we much end up spending on the ferry.

We clatter and chink the last couple of miles to the port, our bikes literally groaning under the weight and then when we arrive, just a couple of miles later, the much anticipated chaos begins.

We start by queueing in a queue that has no rules or logic, for over an hour so that I can hand my ticket to someone official looking and in return he glances at our passports and then gives us a different ticket that says exactly the same thing!

We then push our bikes to the front of the queue, not forgetting to show our tickets twice more (the first person folds the ticket in a “special official” way, the second tears a bit off as per the “this is my only job” official guidance. We then take everything off the bikes to put our panniers through the X-ray machine (we both get flash backs to Madrid Station last year) but we are not then allowed to wheel our bikes the 10 feet from one side of security to the other…oh no……the lady with the badge that says “bike wheeler” (it doesn’t really but you get the gist!) has to do that for no discernible reason whatsoever apart from the fact she can! We then have to put everything back on the bikes to walk them up onto the ferry.

The final hoopla is showing our folded and torn off tickets (in the special way!) for a fourth (perhaps fifth) time as we push our bikes up the ramp onto the ferry and get told off by the grumpiest man ever for filming it as we do. We then take everything back off the bikes again and circle around for 15 minutes until we find somewhere to stow the bikes that doesn’t result in someone shouting at us. Honestly one of the most bewildering, frustrating and inefficient couple of hours ever.

All that said and done, we are on board and heading to Patras, we have found somewhere on deck to settle, we have fed ourselves and the sun is out. We are both a bit scared of using the toilets but we will cross that bridge if and when we absolutely, definitely and unavoidably have to.

Each time we do these adventures the role of “blogger in chief” falls to me (a role I am super happy with btw!) but I am nothing if not inclusive and it’s important to me that mine is not the only voice you hear…so for your enjoyment and delectation I will hand you over to ….oh good grief, what is his name again?

“And so, TMAAT groupies, it's come to that time in our adventure for me to add a missive to our story. It feels a fitting time to do this, not least because we have to survive for 31 hours on the ferry to Patras in Greece, before we can conclude the final leg of our journey. I cannot begin to emulate my comrade's witty prose or colourful narrative, but feel moved to describe my first ever impressions of Venice. For those of you not lucky enough to have visited, imagine asking Disneyworld to create a theme park city with the following ingredients;beautiful, ancient Italian architecture,  stunning religious churches and monuments, bucket loads of culture, miles of canals instead of roads, thousands of boats instead of cars and eleventy billion bridges. Oh and lots of icecream!! It really is the most surreal, amazing and unique city I have ever visited. I will definitely return! And so to the present, 28 hours to go til we reach land on the Greek mainland, to complete our most audacious, challenging, spectacular adventure yet. I will hand you back to Chief blogger Nick to better tell the rest of our tales. Miss you all lots, can't wait to  see you and recount even more of our exciting tales xxx”

Ok…back to me then….well actually thats all for now I think, we are only 8 hours in and we have already run out of things to do. We have drunk everything we brought, eaten everything we brought, purchased a pack of playing cards and then realised that we only know one game and it’s rubbish so that only killed another 20 minutes…..at one point we toy with the idea of engaging in something called “a chat” but we decide it’s a reckless and crazy idea that can only end very badly…..it is going to be a long long long trip!

Part 2

Uuuggh! For those of you that might be thinking “well this is all rather jolly for them, TMAAT are essentially on a luxury booze cruise down the Adriatic” I can assure you this is definitely not the case. Yes it floats and yes there are people on it but beyond that is has much more in common with the bin boats you see in Venice…..I half imagine when (if?) it arrives in Patras it will just tip up at one end and everything will just slide out in an enormous fetid, stinky heap. Everything is tired, grimy and sticky (the other dwarves are aslo around somewhere) and I have been itching almost since the moment I walked on….my sincere hope is that it’s psychosomatic and I don’t actually have the plague.

The “facilities” are a particular source of distress for both us….I am sure I am breaking every blog and internet etiquette (plus potentially some obscure Greek laws) but here is a picture of the gents washroom and the sign that says it has been “cleaned” regularly ….obviously!

Inevitably we arrive at the point where there is literally no choice but to sleep…or try and sleep….this is what that looks like on our “cruise ship”.

Down one side of the “lounge” area (which we decide is the least worst place to try and settle for the night) there are a whole run of shelves for you to put your luggage on. Instead every shelf has a fat, smelly Greek truck driver asleep on it giving it the feel of some weird dystopian and very disturbing “Yo Sushi” conveyor belt where you make a selection based on lord knows what criteria….or perhaps more accurately and even more disturbingly it looks like a morgue (I honestly just couldn’t bring myself to take a photo with bodies in)

Sleep is, as I am sure you appreciate given we are sleeping on a filthy floor, in a public seating area, on a ferry and haven’t had a wee for eleventy billion hours (I have diagnosed myself with water retention and severe scabby toilet aversion) is a luxury we are not afforded much off. We are both I think clinging on to the notion that we have a one night hotel stay in Patras before the final two days of cycling and all will be well (er) when we get there.

As I type we are just pulling into Corfu (hence phone signal allowing me to blog) which is a bit of a surprise to be honest given I had thought we were heading to Patras via Igoumenista….given the number of times our tickets were checked I am just going to relax and assume we must be on the right ferry!

Will if able, signal allows and not in quarantine for some very serious infectious disease, blog a bit more later.

Ps…have just discovered that the urinals have a motion sensor so when you approach them they flush and very helpfully spray water all over your crotch …so that’s nice!

Pps…..please, please do donate!!!